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  • Dani Walpole

The Importance of Fighting Your Friends


In any relationship you or I will have, continual and candid communication will be the key to its success. If we forget this simple rule, it becomes very easy for a lack of communication to seem like the presence of harmony.

Sometimes, avoiding the broach of difficult or necessary topics is simpler than the alternative, and even comforting. We hope to “maintain the peace,” rather than talk about what’s bothering us, or any uneasiness we feel with our friend or partner. In silence, we do ourselves a great disservice. Though we may function happily under the illusion of balance for a while, it will be difficult when something breaks, and we don’t have the tools to fix it.

So, I believe there is an importance in fighting your friends.

The importance doesn’t stem from the satiation of ego or arrogance, but the necessity of rationalizing and apprehending animosity before it grows. Language is how we fully grasp reality, and ambiguity and unrest in relationships makes us uneasy. So why not talk about it?

We must start casual, unaggressive discussions with the people we love. We should speak about what bothers us — or what we think we can do better — even if the relationship in question isn’t the type that can be “Facebook official.”

Your standing with a partner is important, but you should take initiative outside of romance. We have to translate the kind of care, caution and compassion of an exclusive relationship into the maintenance of our platonic friendships, and expect the same in return. Friends should challenge, empower, and comfort each other when in need, call the other out when they’ve done something hurtful, and steer each other in a kinder direction, even when it’s hard.

There is an importance in fighting your friends, because cohesive solutions to deeper problems are much more valuable than the security one feels in taking the easy way out.

Mutual trust and respect are much more valuable than being “agreeable” or “right” for a fleeting moment.

So, learn to be wrong. Learn to fight for the people you love — even if your relationship isn’t something you would daydream about.

When love and empathy are at the root of every friendship, its foundations will already be solid, and communication can only strengthen it.

We all know that love isn’t just romantic, and it’s not just something one pursues. It’s something we give and take every day, with every interaction.

We build love through acts of caring, and we build love with acts of kindness. With this, there is an importance in fighting your friends, in the same way it’s important to fight for love.

When we start valuing our platonic relationships in the way we do romantic ones, the world will be a better place.

When we see that maybe it’s not always best to leave well-enough alone, and better to communicate, our world will be a little bit kinder.

We need to fight for those we care about, and do so every day — or sit in the circumstantial stillness of drifting apart.

There is an importance in fighting your friends.

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